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The Last Update


They were Star Citizens,
The ones from Kickstarter
Where Ben Lesnick’s shadow hung,
Heavy in the air
They bought their hopes and dreams,
They spent until they bled
And when Chris Roberts let them down,
They found Elite instead

They heard about a game,
Where folks were flyin’
They spoke about the background sim,
And the sound design
They came from everywhere
To the new elite
Seeking a rock to mine
Or some pvp

Off in the distant worlds,
They kept exploring
Can’t wait to tell you all
What it’s like out there
And they called it Dangerous,
I don’t know why
The patches laid the gameplay low
While tedium got high

Then the engineers moved in
Across the cosmos
Through the canyons of the worlds
The SRVs would prowl
And they gave us Powerplay,
Ran it to the ground
Forced us all to wait for days
To move our ships around

Some players came and changed the game,
Nobody fought ’em
Put up a bunch of dumb suggestions,
And Jesus, Frontier bought ’em
And they called it Dangerous,
The game to play
The resurrection of Elite
From back in the day

You can leave it all behind
And fly to Colonia
Just like that cyborg barman did
So many months ago
And Canonn brought their neon sign
‘Thargoids are coming’
Brought the space man’s burden down,
Brought the forum’s rage

Who will provide the game’s design,
What is yours and what is mine?
Will it be Braben and Frontier,
Or will you let the players steer?
They satisfy their endless needs,
And whine about the newbies’ greed
In the name of ‘reality,’
Not in the name of fun

And you can see them there
Out on the forums
Log in and talk about
What it’s like out there
They call it Dangerous,
I don’t know why
You trade your game for tedium,
Kiss it goodbye

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